In our daily lives, we are faced with decisions, some easier than others. Do you ever feel like your feet are stuck in cement? “What if I make the wrong choice?” “I don’t know how I feel about this.” “Everyone will judge me if I’m wrong.” Creating that kind of ‘space’ around you establishes indecision and can be paralyzing.
Here’s the thing. You will make the wrong decision. You will say the wrong thing. You’re human; it’s inevitable. The sooner you can make peace with that, the sooner you’ll find freedom in a way that you’ve never experienced.
I’ve had several conversations with caregivers having difficulties processing feelings over the past week. Whether it was trying to make a personal relationship work, communication challenges, experiencing the emotions after the death of a loved one, or changing careers, the same underlying feeling of feeling out of control.
These are times to feel your feelings without worrying about others judging you or trying to make someone else happy. You’ve got to show up, respectfully speak your truth (to yourself as well), express your emotions in a way that honors you, and then take whatever the next step is.
It may be a ‘baby’ step; it may be a huge decision or shift. But if you are not honoring yourself in it, no one benefits. Honestly, this life passes far too quickly to sit in a relationship that isn’t working, to put boundaries from past relationships around the one that you’re in, or regret the things you wish you had done or experienced.
In family caregiving, things can get muddled. I get it. Black and white become grey pretty quickly. I‘ve been there, and as my Mom used to say, “...been there done that.” Yep, I sure have.
I often wish that I had a magic wand, a magic recipe that I could hand to all of you; I genuinely do. The best thing that I can continue to offer is urging you to take care of yourself first. To find something that makes your heart sing, now. To reach out to those standing next to you offering help or support. To honor both you and your loved one for where you are and where you are not. And find peace with it. Change your thinking, change your life.
Please, be kind and gentle to YOU.
In peace,
Cyndi Mariner
Breathing Spaces
