Emotions, especially in the world of those that give care, can vary from day to day, but they are always present. How much or how often do you find yourself pushing back on the emotions that arise because you need to get the job done, your family needs you, the house needs to be cleaned, car oil changed…? I can give you an extensive list of reasons not to do this. Let me correct that statement: I did it for years.
Do any of these ring true for you?
You feel angry but are afraid to talk about it, afraid others will judge you.
You find yourself so stressed that you begin to doubt your judgment for lack of clarity.
You'd reach out to friends, but you're sure they don't want to hear about your 'troubles' again. You start to feel ashamed to ask for help.
You find that your emotions zap your physical energy. You can't go for that walk; you're exhausted.
What's the fix? Counseling can help tremendously; support groups can open your eyes to what others are going through so you don't feel alone. Various modalities like yoga, meditation, journaling, and creativity are all things that can help make a positive shift in your energy. The common denominator is you. YOU must be willing to say, "This isn't working, and I need to find a different way."
The caregiving after-effects can run long and deep. Just when you think you've got it neatly tucked away, it whirls back up like a tornado. Perhaps it's the 8th anniversary of mom passing, approaching along with the recent (and somewhat unpleasant) dealings of my brother's estate when he passed late last year. Perhaps, it's those little, tiny emotions that are tucked neatly in the back of my psyche that, even though I continue my practices, were still knocking. None of this ruined my life, days, or decisions, but it was a constant, subtle poke or prickle.
I found a new practice, Transcendental Meditation, and it feels like it's shaken out the cobwebs and invoked a new sense of calm. This is not a commercial for the practice. It's a note from a friend written just for you. I don't know you, but I can guess that you or someone you know may need a shift if you're reading this.
Perhaps it's finally the time to take up art or break out that gardening book. Find a new 'practice' of rebalancing. DO IT. Don't let the feelings you have stirring inside stop you from reaching out for help or trying something new.